While I have some "free" time, I just thought I would write a little bit of random stuff . . .
1.) First, I think it's strange that she's not even here yet, but she already has a lot of names. Peanut, Lorelai (or Lorelei), JuneBug, Rory . . . . it's funny.
2.) I wish I would have listed articles that I've read over the last several months that I've found useful.
3.) Either there's something in the water, or the economy got to the best of us, because preggos are coming out of the woodwork. Yowsa.
4.) I already find it so much easier to have Peanut in my belly rather than out in the real world. I only have to feed me to feed her, I don't have to change diapers, there's no crying (from her anyway) . . . so much simpler!
5.) I really do love my belly. And as much as I fear strangers touching me, I actually don't mind people rubbing my basketball-like protrusion. It's weird.
6.) Natalie thinks it's funny that I have a big belly. I thought that was funny. Until she said my butt was big, too.
7.) Just when I think my bladder is completely empty, I sneeze or cough and prove myself completely wrong.
8.) I sometimes start getting existential or something, and really try to concentrate on the fact that there is a little body inside of me, and that is how I started. It's like entropy or something. You know, the thought that everything achieves greater chaos and becomes more disordered (or something like that)? It twists my mind up.
9.) I've developed an Earth Day event at work, and we aim to help clean up the environment and promote awareness of our own carbon footprint(s) . . . yet I am still teetering on the use of cloth diapers. Hello!?! I for sure should be using them, right?
10.) Every time I swear now, even if I'm by myself (which I really never am, right?), a little part of me wonders if she heard me and will develop a potty mouth.
11.) Part of me wants our JuneBug to have blonde hair, but part of me prefers brown . . . and I guess there's another part that is hoping for red hair. I guess that just means I don't have a preference. I just hope it doesn't gray as fast as mine did, or fall out as fast as someone else's did.
12.) After a "deep" discussion with a fellow employee, I've realized that I am my mother. I have a feeling I will be just like her with respect to raising children. I think she did a pretty good job, but I'm afraid more than one Alyssa might be a stress on the world.
13.) I always wonder if having a child will change me at all. I mean, I've never gotten too excited over a baby, or talked baby talk, or had the urge to gush over one . . . I wonder if all that will change.
14.) Speaking of, so many people tell me that I don't know what it's like to have children until I've had one. I think that's a crock of poo-poo. After all, I have Natalie, and I feel like I would do anything for her. I would jump out in front of a car to save her. I would go hungry to have her fed. I would be by her side if she ever needed me. And I will cry when she goes to school, and learns to drive, and gets a boyfriend, and . . . but we'll see.
15.) It's funny that pregnant women tend to get more . . . aggressive. I have several stories I can tell about such a thing, but it seems counter-intuitive, at least in my anecdotes. I have probably put myself (and baby) in danger more since I've been pregnant, when I should be sheltering myself (and her) more. Weird.
16.) I am nesting. I can't help myself, but every time I go to a store, I have to look at baby stuff. Food, clothes, gear . . . what do I need still to make our home ready for a baby? And when I'm home, I constantly stare at the details -- where do I need bump guards? How many socket covers do I need? What do I need to get rid of? Are these plants poisonous? . . . .it never ends with me.
17.) It seems sometimes that my life is now an open book . . . which is fine (see number 5 on the list). I kind-of see it as preparation for the moment when multiple heads are staring at my crotch, waiting for Lorelai to show up.
18.) I often wonder what's worse: being pregnant; or being the significant other of a preggo. Clinton thinks I'm crazy. Combine constant hunger, pretty constant pain (maybe in different locales), mood swings, worrying and stressing, sleeplessness, and whatever else I'm dishing out, I make for a pretty loathesome partner. HOWEVER, he gets to drink, smoke, eat whatever he wants, and not deal with the aforementioned trauma. Hmmmmmmm . . . .
19.) I'm to the point now where I'm thinking about the moment I realize I'm in labor. I still haven't gotten to the delivery portion of this journey, but I keep picturing my water breaking in the middle of a meeting, or contractions starting while I walk alone down the hall at work, unable to get help. It is, of course, me worrying, but it's progress nonetheless. Now I just have to think forward a little more and prepare myself for the next part . . .
20.) Sometimes I still think I'm dreaming about this whole pregnancy thing.
